Once Upon A Time
The year was 1987. Margaret Thatcher won a historic third term of bossing the country about and Rick Astley dominated the pop charts with Never Gonna Give You Up. One did not inspire the other as far as I know. Also a very young BigRoo scored some basic Moroccan hash at school and had to learn how to roll up.
It's Harder Than It Looks
My first spliff was of course a disaster. I ended up getting a mate to re-roll it for me. This was very inconvenient so ultimately I had to overcome my clunky uncoordinated fingers and learn myself. I can now roll a joint in a semi-conscious state with my eyes shut and broken fingers so it's hard to imagine that it was once a tricky skill I had to perfect. But I genuinely used to look at proficient joint rollers with wide magic-filled eyes like Paul Daniels had just turned a handkerchief into a flower on TV.
It's Like Fricking Magic
This must be something we've all been through at some point. Not the watching of 80s magician Paul Daniels but the fumbling of a joint roll so badly it seemed only possible to accomplish by magic.
Three Greens and a Yelp
At first I started rolling using golden Virginia tobacco, the basic hash of the time and three green rizlas. The middle rizla held the other two together and creating a thick blanket of paper. Gradually I got the hang of turning this chunky mixture of tobacco and badly crumbled hash into a viable paper cylinder to smoke.
The next thing I had to perfect was crumbling the hash so that millions of hot rocks didn't suddenly fall out and give me pin burns that both ruined my clothes and forced me to leap up from my chilled seated position yelping and flapping at small skin burns to the amusement of everyone else in the room. Everyone from this era will relate to this I believe.
It Was A Simpler Time
Even with this rolling technique nailed it wasn't really that great. It's worth pointing out that rolling material options were not as plentiful as they are now and you couldn't just bowl into Tesco and buy ocb's. The internet hadn't been invented yet so no LB to order from. Pagers were still cool. On the plus side most towns had a dodgy backstreet pub that accepted that most the regulars were pot heads and so you could skin up and smoke in the pub. Very civilised - even without fancy rolling papers or internet connection.
Rizla Bonfire
Rolling with three thick green rizlas created a harsh smoke that smelled like you're lighting a bonfire with newspaper. So next was the lick, dab and peel method where you use just the sticky bit from the third rizla to stick the other two together into a long paper but dispose of the joining paper itself. Man this seemed clever at the time. Like beating the system.
Houston, We Have a Problem
Over time this was improved by using the thinner small blue rizla instead of greens. Every so often that clever join would let go while you were smoking it and it'd partly unravel. An Apollo 13 style rescue would ensue with a lot of moving parts, limited materials and a ticking clock until it was too late to save it. "How we gonna fill a round hole with a square peg?"
Bedsheet Sized King Skins
The larger king size rizla were ridiculously wide at the time and not available everywhere. They were much wider than large papers are now. I've since realised they were likely designed for reverse rolling (back strapping) but I didn't know such a thing existed then so using them for a regular roll wrapped up your joint in more paper than a chippy uses on your fish.
Fancypants Papers
In specialist shops things like rips were available. These came in a roll which you ripped to size, hence the name. The shop local to me also did rainbow coloured rolling papers for students who smelled of patchouli oil. At least they were the only people who bought them from what I could tell.
Channel 4 Cannabis Night
In the 90s I watched the channel 4 cannabis night. I've mentioned it before but for anyone who doesn't know we used to only have 3 channels on TV. Channel 4 was launched to challenge the musty, stagnant traditional channels with something more edgy and youth focused.
Amongst the many events on the channel during its experimental phase was a cannabis night. This showed all sorts of interesting and supportive Cannabis content all night long. Like a channel takeover. Cannabis was universally never addressed as a fun or positive thing in any mainstream media. I truly believe that this single night of viewing was culturally transformative for the UK and gave the mainstream media of the time a shake up.
It was like the cannabis version of the Sex Pistols seminal 1976 gig in Manchester where almost everyone who attended went on to start a band.
As years passed after the show, cannabis smoking turned from hash to fancy weed, rolling paper options increased, and it became common to find a range of smoking products in both local corner shops and big supermarkets. I think much of this early progress was born on channel 4 pot night as so many of us carried that with us as we grew.
Reverse Rolling
During this culturally important TV show I discovered reverse rolling (back strapping) was a thing and very popular in Holland where the cannabis scene was very different at the time. I didn't learn reverse rolling right there and then but that's when I wanted to learn it. I'd try every so often but would usually make a total mess of it and would find myself back on Paul Daniels territory thinking it was another magic trick.
The Sexiest Way to Roll
It was a while later when I met someone who could do it properly that I finally learned. Even then I had to relentlessly force myself to do it over and over with a much higher failure rate than I had on my regular rolls of the time.
But I gradually got it and that's how I still roll to this day. I like that you get a neat single piece of thin paper wrapped around your precious ingredients with just a small seam running along the length just like a tailor made cigarette or a pinup girls stockings. Basically back strapping is sexy.
Newfangled Cannabis Consumption
I'm totally down with what all you crazy kids get up to these days. Together you have further transformed the way we buy and consume cannabis here in the UK. I like my herb vape and I dabble with dabs with my little pen. I make my own edibles with RSO or D9 and I've got a live resin vape cartridge thing. Sometimes I get my pipe or bong out to smoke hash.
But... You Cannot Beat The Humble Spliff
Despite the myriad of smoking options, the one thing I return to over and over, is the simple, humble, basic spliff. I like the slow burning, gentle relaxation of gradually consuming a nice joint. It's thoughtfully ponderous and mentally resetting for me. Long term I'll likely migrate away from combustion for health reasons and I tip my hat to everyone who has - but for now I just can't resist puff after puff of thick flavourful smoke from a slow burning joint of a premium weed.
The Joint Rolling Ritual
Rolling a joint is ritualistic and an important part of the overall cannabis experience. You get to savour the freshly ground smell of the weed before undertaking a very personal and artisan rolling process that borders on the strictness of a traditional Japanese tea ceremony. Basically it's smoking foreplay to ready and excite you before sparking it up.
My Current Roll
These days I set out a brown OCB on my rolling tray. I still use tobacco and roll with a token amount of American Spirit. On top of that I add a pretty healthy amount of weed. Probably about a 0.4g. But I don't weigh it or particularly measure it. Might be 0.3. Could be 0.5. Somewhere around that though.
I then reverse roll it into a slight cone and stick it before tearing the excess paper off. I never burn this off as I see some people do as this has not worked well for me. Fire and me don't get along.
I roach it after rolling. I've never got rolling with the roach in place dialled as it seems to mess it up for me and either flair the end or turn it into a matchstick.
Then I light and enjoy. This was loads more words than I'd planned to write about rolling a joint. I got a wee bit carried away. If you're still reading you deserve a prize. You won't actually get one but really you should. I appreciate you sticking with me here.
Thanks
In all seriousness, thanks for reading, as always I hope that this has been informative and if not I hope it was entertaining in some way. Please click the up arrow and get involved in the comments if you like seeing this type of content. It helps share it with others on LB.
I'd love to hear about the personal rituals you go through and how you roll your perfect spliff.
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