A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he plucks up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.

Saturday night arrives and the man arrives at her house laden with flowers and chocolates. To his amazement she answers the door in nothing but a towel.

"I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you however, that they are both deaf mutes."

With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine this is a little uncomfortable as both parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching the soccer game, and Mum is busy knitting. After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mum suddenly jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt pulls down her knickers and pours a glass of water over her arse. Just as suddenly Dad launches himself across the room bends her over the couch and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and places a match stick under each eye lid. The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief.

After a further ten minutes the mother again rises from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her pants and throws another glass of water over her arse. Dad leaps up gives her one from behind and places two more match sticks under his eyelids.

No sooner have they concluded this strange behavior and the daughter returns fully dressed ready for their date. The evening is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the goings on in the living room.

At the end of the evening the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?"

"It's not you," replied her date, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked."

After pleading with him to explain in more detail the young man reluctantly recounts the story. "Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair and lifts up her skirt. She then pulls down her pants and throws a glass of water over her behind."

"I see," says the girl, "What happened then?"

"Well, if that isn't enough your Father races from his chair leans Mum over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick under each eye lid."

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl. The young man can't believe the casual response to this weird practice.

"It's easily explained. Mum was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, fuck him. I'm watching the match.'"

A vegan and a vegetarian are jumping off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first. Who wins?

........Society !

I liked this 😊 no offence intended in either Mexico or vegans of course👍😂

There is a matchstick climbing a hill and it's all sweaty because it's exhausted. Nearly at the top of the hill there's a hedgehog walking by, and the matchstick goes :

"Oh, if only I had known there's a bus!

Well it's that bloke who had his car stolen in Mexico, his name.....carloss 😊

What do you call a mexican fireman.....jose !

What do you call a German who lives in a tin?

....Heinze!

Boom in here all week ladies and gents in the entertainment centre🤡

Who won in the end? I thought I was close but it's hard to tell or check at a specific time in the day 😂 for me anyway. Or was this comp ruined by after hours entries and general shenanigans?