i was once sitting on the wall at the end of my street smoking a joint - this at about three o'clock in the morning and it's a quiet village - when i heard a terrible noise in the distance, a terrible screaming sound moving toward me like someone playing a krzysztof penderecki record on a mobile disco truck - just horrible - and as it got closer and closer, i was getting mildly concerned about what it might be.
then, from out of the darkness into the illumination of the solitary corner streetlamp, came one of my neighbour's cats, a great big thing four times the size of all the others, running down the middle of the road bolt upright on its hind legs, waving its front paws in the air, surrounded by about a dozen other cats all running normally on all fours, all screaming at the tops of their voices. up close, they were quite loud - it was one of the worst, most painful noises i have ever heard, like a classroom full of burning children. they ran right past me, up the hill and over the top until the sound disappeared. the thing was, i wasn't even that stoned - i'd only just lit my bloody joint - and i'm pretty sure this was actually real.
i knew the cat, it was a very expensive looking tiger striped pedigree crossbreed, lovely and friendly and absolutely fearless and rather inevitably went missing not long afterwards. i hope it just got nicked, i really liked it.
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