I've been on T24 for the vast majority of orders for a while now, when i order on the fri if those don't land nxt day which they usually do they many times show up on sundays.

Have you ever ordered from The Gents? They have a 100% NDD record for me and they send the tracking link when the order is sent.

I guarantee it wouldn't be for me, doesn't matter what delivery option I select it seems the royal mail just can't fucking do their jobs right 😆

The Gents speedyness and stealth is outstanding.
Just had another t24 show up, sunday.
lets go!
Hope all is well my friend and your already starting to put a portion of some orders away for Christmas into the stash.
take care!

I've only had two RM deliveries on a Sunday in my life and they were both from LB vendors.

I'm good mate, hope you are too. I've been squirrelling away my referral bonuses for a few xmas treats. Planning on starting to roll my own donut joints for a festive project.

You must live in an isolated area
Order a few days in advance next time

I don't though, I live in one of the biggest town in the north east of Scotland with great commute routes so it's on the royal mail and their atrocious standard of service. I'd get it if it was once in a blue moon late parcel but not everything I ever order.

Must be understaffed.. but for that long???
I've never had a NDD late, but T24 takes upto 5 days sometimes. I too live in a very big busy town
Super annoying not having any smoke and waiting, I get you

I just posted above beforee reading this, T24 is my current favourite option.
Just depends on your office i guess.

Very weird, we have orders going to Scotland on the regular that are NDD, same with northern ireland.

Where abouts are you located?

Just go in to your app wallet and it should show under recent transactions click it and it should have addesss sent from and to , and the block and hashtag thing , it’s there some were man if it was taking , hope you get it resolved soon

It's now saying payment received here though? Messaged the help Borg and the vendor to see what my options are but I'm sitting here tearing out what little hair I have left cursing myself that I've just lost 250 😭

I didn't account for fees and was trying to rectify weights but instead cancelled the whole order.

Can't find my wallet address all I can find is the wallet I sent it too and the transaction hash. Well fucked myself I guess.

Do not fear you have not lost your money as long as you have sent to the Bitcoin address shown.

1.
Visit crypto.com and login.

2.
After you have logged in to your account, click Wallet.

3.
Find your cryptocurrency to deposit (Bitcoin) and select Deposit.

Make sure it's a Bitcoin address not another crypto, for clarification your Bitcoin address will start with either 'bc1, 3 or 1'.

Then copy and send that Bitcoin address over to refund borg here and they will get it sorted for you pal.

Aaah, the clearly obvious bitty I definitely overlooked! Thank you so much Budzino, found it in an instant with that help.
For sure this is a great forum place to be!

It's a steep learning curve for most people here don't worry about it, after a couple orders you will be doing it subconsciously.

You should get your refund back to your crypto.com wallet within a few days.

Enjoy your weekend buddy.

You too man, and yeah just when I thought I was all learned up boom I hit a false summit 😆 I'll get there. The vendor I'm trying to order from is pistach and I've had a good few successful orders with them out with lb so it should be all good. Not gonna go for the refund options though until they reply and see if we can just rectify my collosal mess up. Again, thank you so much for being reassuring and helpful and have a fantastic weekend.

Though I think before I send my bitcoin address for refund I'll wait until I hear what the vendor and help Borg say. Hopefully I can just rectify the order and take off a 3.5. Curse you crypto.com and your mad fees!

Yea click that and match the payment to what you sent it’s not gone man , help Borg will help you out when online , if you have the transaction hash thing it can be found I wouldn’t worry just may take bit of time to sort between you help Borg and vendor , but 💯 your money isn’t gone don’t be worrying

Thank you, I'm so new to the whole crypto thing and crypto dot com absolutely rinses you for fees so I'll be changing asap. It hurts more because the majority of the order is my dad's so I feel like I'm fucking him over too 😅 seems a great little community here and I hope I haven't buggered myself too much. Seriously can't find my wallet address but like you say I have the transaction hash and I just want to rectify the order and change some weights. Thank you so much for keeping me calm, have a blessed day.

Just sit tight and wait for refund Borg to get back to you , it will al be good in the end , no worrries man you to talk soon

Jokes about white sugar are rare..

Now… jokes about brown sugar..

Demerara

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy. The other's a little lighter.

What did the Pirate say on his 80th Birthday?

Aye Matey

A priest asked the Pope if its ok to have sex with young boys. The Pope said"Its legal when they've left school" The priest said, "Fuckin roll on 4 o'clock!"

I went to get me haircut the other day and the barber told me I'm going bald. I said "Well fuckin hurry up then!"

Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

Sorry everyone!!

Had the Mrs in hospital so Lb takes the back seat.

I'm picking her up later, so will try and get her to read everyone's contributions.

Sorry again guy"s

All the best, mate.

Morning KIG mate family first,hope the missus is ok

Someone has been sneaking into my weapons room and putting superglue all over everything.

My friend thinks i'm talking shit but i'm sticking to my guns!

I had a part in Oliver Twist.....


It was great I couldn't ask for more

I saw my wife putting on her sexy underwear this morning. This can only mean one thing.
It’s laundry day.

I asked my wife to let me know the next time she has an orgasm.
She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.

I approached a very beautiful woman in the supermarket and said, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the beautiful woman.
To which I replied “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: What are my choices?
Wife: Yes or fucking no!

Two priests are stopped by the police at a roadblock. The police tell them the reason for the roadblock is that they're currently looking for two child molesters. The priests share a quick look and reply in unison: "Officer, it's your lucky day! We're the right men for the job, we can start today."

Some bloke in the Middle East has started a company that converts landmines into prayer mats ... prophets are going
through the roof.

Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box

I hear they're making a mind controlled air freshener. It makes scents when you think about it.

Somebody broke into my house the other night, stole all my limbo equipment. How low can you go?

I was in pieces when I found out r Kelly had gone to jail, I kept thinking to myself...what's she done now?!

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't let a lentil on my face for £40

✌🏻💚🤣

A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he plucks up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.

Saturday night arrives and the man arrives at her house laden with flowers and chocolates. To his amazement she answers the door in nothing but a towel.

"I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you however, that they are both deaf mutes."

With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine this is a little uncomfortable as both parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching the soccer game, and Mum is busy knitting. After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mum suddenly jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt pulls down her knickers and pours a glass of water over her arse. Just as suddenly Dad launches himself across the room bends her over the couch and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and places a match stick under each eye lid. The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief.

After a further ten minutes the mother again rises from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her pants and throws another glass of water over her arse. Dad leaps up gives her one from behind and places two more match sticks under his eyelids.

No sooner have they concluded this strange behavior and the daughter returns fully dressed ready for their date. The evening is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the goings on in the living room.

At the end of the evening the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?"

"It's not you," replied her date, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked."

After pleading with him to explain in more detail the young man reluctantly recounts the story. "Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair and lifts up her skirt. She then pulls down her pants and throws a glass of water over her behind."

"I see," says the girl, "What happened then?"

"Well, if that isn't enough your Father races from his chair leans Mum over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick under each eye lid."

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl. The young man can't believe the casual response to this weird practice.

"It's easily explained. Mum was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, fuck him. I'm watching the match.'"

What's the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years, a job still sucks

How do you confuse an Irishmen, give him 3 shovels and tell
him take your pick.

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man?

None

I went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday...

They shaved with razor-sharp blade below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the bum crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub...

Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.

I'm so confused, I told my mate that they have an incredible mustache and suddenly she's not my friend anymore.

Hahaha joash had me in stitches this one

I went to the zoo the other day. It only had one animal. It was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu

Why did the tiger get lost?

Because junglist MASSIVE

I've entered with that one before but I got it wrong that time

Why did the toilet roll, roll down the hill?

Because it wanted to get, to the BOTTOM!

What did the nought say to the eight?

Blimey, your belt's tight, innit??


You did say have as many goes as you like, sorry, love jokes 😬🤗💥💥💥👾

I had a water fight with some local kids earlier,, they were no match for Me and my freshly boiled kettle!

Go on then, one more just to bump the thread...

Where does Kylie Minogue get her kebabs?

Jason's Donnervan!

What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around, I'll go on ahead.

What's Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination?

HAAANDEEEEEEEEEYE!

What do call a fake noodle?
An Im-pasta

What do you call the little Spanish fella that lives in your toilet?

Señor Bumhole!

A holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven and meets god. Looking to impress god, he makes a holocaust joke.

God says "that's not funny"

The survivor says, "guess you had to be there"

Did you hear about the award winning scarecrow….
He was outstanding in his field!

Haha kpdg

if drinking alcohol damages short-term memory…


Just imagine what drinking alcohol can do!

The last thing my grandfather said to me was “Pints! Litres! Gallons!”

That really….spoke volumes.

What's E.T. short for?

He's only got little legs.

I keep randomly shouting out 'broccoli' and 'cauliflower'
I think I might have florets!

Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out of some knickers!

My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met….
I’m not buying it.

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."



He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now completely nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."



Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!"



Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming, that was me...

Have you heard about the dyslexic pimp? He accidentally bought a warehouse

Apparently the Flintstones is getting Really big in the middle east
The people in Iran don't like it.
But the people in Abu Dhabi DO!

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

2 whales swimming in the sea come across a fishing boat.
One whale says thats the boat that killed my wife shall we kill them as revenge ?
Other whale says yeah lets do it . They swim under the boat and blow it sky high . All the fishermen fell i to the sea and swam to the rocks . First whale says i thought we were going to kill them to which the second replys
Look i dont mind the blow job but im not swallowing the seamen . 👊🤘

2 pubes on a toilet rim . One asks the other . When u leaving ?. Other replys oh when i get pissed off

Ah went to boots the other day and says to the lass at the counter "can i have 99 condoms please " 😊
The girl replys " 99 condoms fuck me 😯"
So i said "Better make it 100 then " 😎

I was walking along the beach the other day and seen a woman lying there with no arms or legs crying her eyes out .
I stopped and asked her if shes ok to which she replied yes but ive never been cuddled or held before . So i sat down and gave her a cuddle and went on my way . The next day shes there again crying and all upset so again i said hello again are you ok .
She replied yes but ive never ever been kissed passionatly before . So again i gave her a lovely kiss and told her to remember it forever and went about my way .
Walking home an hour later shes there again and crying still . So being a good citizen i asked her whats the matter now . She said ive never ever been fucked before SO i picked her up and threw her in the sea and shouted your fucked now aint ya .

2 flies sitting eating shit 1 farts the other replys do u mind im eating

What do you call a pussy, on top of a pussy, on top of a pussy, on top of a pussy?

A block of flaps.

What do you call a testicle next to a testicle, next to a testicle, next to a testicle, next to a testicle, next to a testicle, next to a testicle, next to a testicle, next to a testicle?



Cul-de-sack

Hehehe fuckin good one geeseeks

How can you tell a prostitute isn't wearing panties?

Dandruff at her feet.

A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".

Any idea on when everyone finds out I'm the funniest? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My wife woke up with a huge smile on her face this morning.
I love felt tips!

My girlfriend bought a cookbook the other day called Cheap and Easy Vegetarian Cooking. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian

I used to date a teacher. I ended it. because If I wanted sex I had to put my hand up first.

2 flies are sitting eating shit
1 farts and the other says
Do you mind im eating .
😂

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

See you same time next month!

I asked the wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm…
She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.

Why did the pony need a drink of water?
Cos he was a little horse

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Because was 7 was a registered 6 offender!

Why did the H blow itself up?

Because the G had.

A vegan and a vegetarian are jumping off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first. Who wins?

........Society !

I liked this 😊 no offence intended in either Mexico or vegans of course👍😂

There is a matchstick climbing a hill and it's all sweaty because it's exhausted. Nearly at the top of the hill there's a hedgehog walking by, and the matchstick goes :

"Oh, if only I had known there's a bus!

Well it's that bloke who had his car stolen in Mexico, his name.....carloss 😊

What do you call a mexican fireman.....jose !

Did anyone win this in the end?

Today Saturday 9th

What do you call a German who lives in a tin?

....Heinze!

Boom in here all week ladies and gents in the entertainment centre🤡

My wife and I met on a website for dolphin impersonators.
We clicked straight away 😀

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, Your penis is bigger than your brother's 😩

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!

Where do hamburgers and hot dogs go dancing?
A meatball

Donald Trump

My mate called me at 3am in a panic...

"Help me man, I've run over a pig and I don't know what to do!"

I told him to bury it on the side of the road and forget about it. An hour later he called me back and said

"Done that but what the fuck do I do with his car?"

3 guys having a beer.

1st one says "I've got a tiny head, I reckon it's the smallest in the world.

2nd guy says "I've got tiny hands, I bet they're the smallest in the world".

3rd one says "I've got a tiny dick, I bet it's the smallest in the world.

The next day they go to the Guiness World Records office to prove it.

1st guy goes in, after a few minutes he comes out and says "I've got the smallest head in the world!"

2nd guy goes in, when he comes out he says "I've got the smallest hands in the world!"

3rd guy goes in, when he comes back out he says "Who the fuck is Keep It Green?!"

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.

She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

I'd recommend a new joke book and a neuropsychological evaluation for Reanin4tednerd

Dark jokes are a good way of dealing with traumatic events and sociatal issues in a humorous way. May not be your cup of tea but if we can't laugh, what else have we got?

Can't we laugh and still have some morals? Fascism, mass genocide and cancer jokes are not my cup of tea but I appreciate your narrative / expression. I still think an evaluation would be a better way to deal with issues though but jokes may help I suppose 😅

Just my humble opinion, Jokes/Humour should cover everything or nothing, as others have said, many people have a dark sense of humour merely to add balance, it can be in response to traumatic life events.
I don’t know and have never spoken with Reanim4tednerd, but after reading his Joke, I didn’t immediately think he finds someone being diagnosed with cancer as funny, it’s just a story where the punchline comes from a total different trajectory.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion and their say, I’m not saying anyone is right or wrong, just mho.
Much love 💚💚💚

True but it's a JOKE

There is a fine line between good and bad taste...

Its called the Perineum

Take a BOW BOW13

A neuro psyc evaluation that's so funny lmao legend man

I don't think the buzz of receiving a parcel from an LB vendor ever totally goes away.

Nope deffo not . Im nearly 2 years in and i still get twitchy amd watch the time for his arrival . Just incase i miss him u understand . Not that im a hash head or nothing 😂

Same, I still get excited when I hear the post pixie rocking up, I think maybe it's because we know soon we will be enjoying the contents as much as anything.

I ❤️Postie 🤗

To be fair, I like him a lot more than I used to 😅

My postman is a fuckin geezer . To the point where I’ve actually trusted him to sign for my signed for deliveries if I’m not going to be in. He even takes my bins in for me if I’m out at work proper going that extra step. As BB said, just a £20 at Christmas time or Easter or something doesn’t half make his day/week/month but also reminds me that he’s keeping me sane by handing me these parcels!

Nice post my friend, take care Harv.

Remember to tip that 'moron' at Christmas time.
Mine gets a score every Christmas.
This year i may get him gloves too.

I’ve know him for 15 years, he’s probably suspicious at how nice I have been since April 😅 he will most definitely be in for a score this year, the two of my regular ones! He’d be up for a blowjob if he was a little earlier in the day for my by 1pm’s 😂

this bigga

It's always very exciting. Ordering loads can feel like Christmas. Postie is sound, fortunately. It's sort of waring off for me after over 18 months of being on here. Almost.