Puresmoke

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joined sep 2022

share Puresmoke and generate bitcoin with reference codes.

0 topics on Puresmoke

5 posts by Puresmoke

1 post

+1 votes

on THEGREENTEAM 9.6/10

XMAS CUT OFFS :) and 28G GIVEAWAY

Thanks can I be in the comp and merry Xmas tgt and all vendors and buyers

1 post

+2 votes

on Shroom Of The Loom 9.7/10

10.5g Flash Giveaway ⚡

Good luck all

1 post

+1 votes

on G6 Extracts 1ML/1G Vape Cartridge - Award Winning 9.8/10

Best vape I’ve had

Anyone know if g6 extracts is still selling, had an order cancelled automatically by borg and not answering messages.

+4.8

on G6 Extracts 1ML/1G Vape Cartridge - Award Winning 9.8/10

Best vape I’ve had

Have had quite a few of different vapes over the last few months and the Gelato one I got this morning is sublime. Smooth but a little bit of throat buzz, with a real nice head buzz after just a few puffs. You can tell this is quality as it is a thick oil, bubble does not move at all basically. Can not wait to try the others when they are back in stock. Vaping is now my preferred way to get my dosage and these are a real treat.

axis_of_elvis

is this just a cart or is it a cart and battery?

g6extracts 9.8/10

It’s just a cart but you can request a battery on your first order.

G6

tommyt123

hi, can I use these with a mod that takes 2 x 18650 batteries? just on a very low voltage?

Jelz95

How does this compare to the cheaper MJ Concentrates carts in terms of high quality

Jippy

Wow! Do it. The cheaper ones last me 1.5 days. This is way more potent, smoother and latest me 10 days! Well worth the cost.

+0.8

Jippy

I'll let you know later in the week :-)

g6extracts 9.8/10

Wow, just saw this thread. Thanks a lot for your feedback and support. Glad you like the products!

G6

1 post

+6 votes

on Ninja7227

Why so much hate

Hi ive been using the site for about 6 months and it is amazing, only downside so far has been the comms, been waiting 2 weeks for replies from 2 vend…

+30.2

on Ninja7227

Why so much hate

Just having a browse looking to stock up my stash before Xmas and reading reviews as made me step back a bit. I see alot of reviews critisicibg vendors for lack of comms and "parcel took ages" yes... Because you are like everyone of us just now who are being royally screwed by RM. BTW I support the strikes!

As for comms, unless you've living under a blanket for the last 7 days you would have noticed LB has not been running well. The vendors, like us, have to wait an age for pages to load, so if you didn't receive a reply, I'm sure you can work out why. More so when it's asking for tracking during a 48 hour strike...

Sorry for ranting guys but let's spread some love not hate. It's not the vendors fault for sure!

+42

British Bulldog 9.9/10

I think there are two types of buyers on here, those that understand it's not Amazon, who understand vendors take a huge risk in doing what they are doing, and that we are vulnerable to numerous issues by selling online, including BTC crashes, postal strikes, LB maintainance issues... not to mention transporting large quantities of an illegal substance just to get it into the postal system... plus the time and effort for stealth to keep customers safe.

Then there are those who have absolutely no idea what vendors go through, and assume this is one big walk in the park.

I've been here for best part of three years now (and I've seen them come and watched them go) but one thing I can say for sure is its getting more and more difficult to justify selling on here, especially as a small vendor. I'm certain there are others that feel the same.

Leaving shitty reviews because you think you deserve your premium cannabis delivered to your doorstep within 24 hours, might just be the straw that breaks yet another small vendor's back.

I'd ask the members who leave those kind of reviews to ask themselves - what they would do when vendors decide the risks aren't worth the rewards?....

Eventually it'll be zero artisan products on LB and 100% monopoly by the mass producers, and we all know that doesn't work out for anyone....ever.

So yeah, a bit more love and understanding from the usual critical subjects would be great, but I won't hold my breath.

Cheers BB 😊👍🍻❤️

+22

Eddys Edibles 9.6/10

Well said BB, as a solo artisan vendor here doing everything by myself i fully agree this is definitely no walk in the park so I’m sending out some love to those vendors working day and night to keep people happy. Your all doing a great job and the ones that understand that will appreciate your hard work and the risks we take. ✌🏻❤️much love Eddy

+10

British Bulldog 9.9/10

Big love to you too buddy. Your products look fantastic. Keep up the good work. 👌

Take care and have a lovely Christmas. 🎄🎅

Cheers BB 😊👍🍺❤️

Eddys Edibles 9.6/10

All the best bud👍🎅❤️🍻

Psychonauts 9.9/10

Agree 100% with you brothers and sisters. We are working hard to make sure all our customers have products sent ASAP and reply to messages when we see them come through. Appreciate all the love and positive comments coming our way. ❤️😊👍

+20

BBDoom

You vendors are heroes to me, always have been even the street vendors.
I'm pretty sure if you go through my buy reviews every single one is a 10 lol
Love you guys and gals out there!❤️💚✌️

Eddys Edibles 9.6/10

🍭❤️✌🏻

GeneticsHub 9.4/10

Love you too BBD. Have a great new year mate and all the best 🙏❤️

+13

Tony888

I think this is a symptom of wider society. There’s so many angry, hateful individuals out there that like to moan and complain and make someone else miserable because their lives are so shitty it’s their only fun in life.
This place has been an absolute godsend to me with some top drawer vendors. I’ve been here for about 3 years or so.
And there are some genuinely good people on here, I’ve had overwhelmingly good experiences.
And it's the hard work and effort of vendors that keeps me coming back. Thanks for your service! Salute!

+11

The Gentlemen Dealers 9.7/10

Well said mate.
All vendors am sure are trying to get parcels out soon as possible.
Royal mail strikes and Xmas etc dont really help with all the back logs. Patients is the key 🔑 👌.

+11

Ninja7227

So well said!! And I'm sure there are many of us who respect you so so much mate! I hope the minority don't spoil it for the rest ❤️❤️

British Bulldog 9.9/10

🙏❤️😊

+16

pollypuff20

I agree with you entirely and Bulldog’s & Eddy’s comments sum up the vendor’s perspective perfectly.

Because it’s the internet we have some weirdos and it’s not worth trying to understand that small minority, (although from time to time some of them are vendors!). Some others seriously medicate and seem to struggle to cope if things go wrong or are delayed and so vent their frustrations. A few think that growing weed is a virtually zero cost game and are permanently angry at what they see as huge profiteering. Some are just permanently angry, because they are 🤷‍♂️ and as always the anonymity of the web gives them a platform to rage. It wouldn’t work on the street!

That leaves the rest of us who know just exactly how lucky we are to have this site and everything on it! I certainly feel I owe a debt of gratitude beyond a few Bitcoin. I still pinch myself to check that it’s real🥰

But as with all good things we take it for granted. Vendors sometimes don’t help themselves by offering unrealistic delivery speeds, or charging for one delivery method but using another. This ‘need for speed’ causes more problems on here than anything.

Things are also not entirely what they seem- there are less vendors and a whole lot less Biggas than it appears- it’s way too easy to set up alt accounts for nefarious purposes and that can create an environment of suspicion.

After speed, the next hot spot for trouble is comms. Good comms solves everything but again we have an expectation for immediate response. It’s weird, there is hardly an institution left that responds quickly to anything even if you are dying in the street, but we expect it from our order of illegal drugs 🫣. But in my experience good vendors maintain good comms.

It would help if the Borgs actually talked to us more imo. There are some silly and frustrating aspects to the functioning of this site that we all know could be improved but despite huge efforts we can’t seem to effect change.

Quality, range, accuracy, stealth, even price are a lot less contentious it seems than speed and comms. And so they should be- check out the other genuine clear net sites in the UK and see what a limited range and huge prices are on offer!

LB is Great, and most of us know it. Long Live LB! 💥🥳😻

British Bulldog 9.9/10

Well said PP. Agree 💯

Cheers BB 🙏👍🍻❤️

Kushna42

Reckon it's dying but I've been using it a long time and often, and am seeing what's happening. Chasing a load of lost money as we speak.

GeneticsHub 9.4/10

Preach Polly, well said ☺️

+13

smokinfish

The strikes are a necessary evil of having a shite government who don't set pay high enough. Pathetic that this is the only way to get them to listen, but Britain as a whole needs a payrise and it has to start somewhere. Every other industry will strike eventually and eventually, this too will pass. We'll all just have to cane less/not as heavy 😂 xx

+12

greencigar

When stoners don't get their weed, they can sometimes act irrationally. Strikes are a subjective issue and this can further inflame things. More love, less hate, and more importantly, less virtue signalling during this stressful time. Currently under a blanket in the dark, shaking.

+12

Essemcee

Agreed, as a fairly new bigga with the kid in a sweet shop feeling still fresh, I was taken aback by the amount of seemingly petty mark Downs. Yes, if everybody got a 10 for simply successfully delivering weed in the post, the review scores would be pointless, but there has to be some consideration for the vendors.
Quite frankly, it's unbelievable that so many do take the risk, bur that is great for the buyer.
This is an Alladin's cave for the stoner so having unrealistic expectations akin to some secret society is delusional.
Big love to the good vendors, true of heart...please keep goin.

British Bulldog 9.9/10

🙏❤️

+12

BBDoom

was reading reviews yesterday, one bigga got a full refund then left vendor a 5/10, saying it never arrived.
I got a full refund recently too, i'll just leave the review till it expires, that or give the vendor a 10.
Full refund can't be sniffed at.
I don't see much hate tho, perhaps just not enough LOVE!🤩💚❤️

+10

TheDazzler

I saw this post a few weeks ago and forgot to pin it, of course I wanted to add and reiterate comments made on the tread.

Before all that I just have one statement for all the haters that jump the gun by posting unjust posts on the topic's board

YOU ARE NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON ON LB

You get what you give.

I have had numerous conversions in DM's with bigga's on this issue and they venders and people that have commented are right on the money as per. Tho I do find it strange that after all the posts on the topics board, calling out venders! Not one person has been negative on this thread????? If you take the time to call venders out at least have the time to give your point of view on posts like this.

Before I rant on first things first venders we salute you. I still can't believe the service and quality on offer here and the fact I only have to press buttons and only get up off ma ass to collect my illegal drugs from the postman.

Most of what I would add is been said but A few things that I do want to add and this ties into previous comments.

What the actual fuck is peoples expectations before they order? Do they read the manifesto? Do they do the leg work and check reviews (That's another story) Do they check when they where last on line?

Now no one is perfect of course and I did get caught being a bit moany when I started using the site. As the first vender I used comms where within the hour.
Another vender a day.

I ordered 24 hour signed for with the expectation of having it the next day like special delivery. When it never came I DM'd them and they expanded the process. I felt like a pure nob and apologised for my impatience.

I have had a vender send special delivery's late so again had to wait another day. Was I happy no but shit happens (It's always at the stage where your licking your grinder like a bulldog eating beetroot) The vender apologised. Gave a reasonable explanation. We both went on our way.

So a few points that I would add and this might be a crazy idea and a bit out there but bare with me and just imagine that venders have other stuff out with LB. I'm just guessing but any venders correct me if I'm wrong

Family's and all that comes with that
Work that is not illegal
Bit coin. I'm fucking raging when my £1.25 in BC has dropped to £1.20. I could not deal with the stress of all that jazz
Illness
Walking the fucking dog
And the best of all that has been stated but need said again the fucking FEDS they are putting themself's at a massive risk by doing what they are doing, actually not just themselves but the impact that could have on there family, future employment as they can't sell fucking weed!!!!

I think I've made that point, more so with the one man band venders. I can just imagine it the now. A vender is sick and can't get to his order's or has to deal with an emergency what ever that my be!

Hi is this Indeed ?
Yes how can I help?
Looking for someone pronto to help with my manufacturing business.
What would be involved?
Replying to messages and packing
What are they packing?
My kick ass weed to cunts all over the shop

Naw of course they can't

So before ordering as stated what are peoples expectations of Comms? 30 sec 3 hours 3 days

Dr Extracts has a good line in his manifesto stating that he will reply to comms at 09:00 each day. I'm not saying everyone should do that of course but what it does do is manage peoples expectations. (I'm going to hazard a guess that he might have other commitments, like work)

I have learned that of course different venders have different comms habits and that only comes with using the venders.

A bit of advice I was given early on by polly and reiterated lately by Mr Rabb1t. DM the vender before you order anything just to test the waters with the comms.

In regards to the posts on the topic's page. As we all know there are no date stamps on the post's. So the post could and does keep popping up on the feed? Is that fair if it has been resolved. I'm not sure if you can get it removed?

The vast majority of negative posts has no context
Comms are shit? explain then. Are we talking minutes, hours, days
Gear was shit? How was it shit? 1000 reviews and you think it's shit that's fine but is that not your opinion not fact as it's very subjective. Again not my words but is it "As described "

I will back any bigga to the hilt if they have been wronged and of course they should be highlighted to the community BUT with context please. So people can make there own judgement.

Just under a year now and lately I have seen people on treads asking for updates as and if it has been resolved. Which I think should be a given.

In this time, not once have I seen a retraction or an apology posted when a positive resolution has been agreed? I find that rather strange

Long live LB and the kick ass venders fuck the haters and ignore the posts. Unless justified of course but with context please and updates.

pollypuff20

Top words spoken in the true Daz style. 😻

An example:
“It's always at the stage where your licking your grinder like a bulldog eating beetroot”….😂😳😂

GeneticsHub 9.4/10

Well said Dazz 🙏❤️

Greentech 9.6/10

Thanks, Ninja7227 !

Todd's Sure Thangs 10/10

i was just going to go back under my blanket when i read this ;) thank you bigga, we have a lot to be grateful for, basically a world none of us could have imagined just a few years ago. i can't imagine it's easy for anyone involved but attitude makes all the difference when things get tough.

GeneticsHub 9.4/10

Great topic and so many amazing comments. I’ve been meaning to comment a while now. I joined in the summer and found out FAST the hate is very real indeed.

It’s so difficult to navigate from normal buyer acc to alt acc, spam, trolls etc etc

I am learning fast but doing your best every day for your customers to get random abusive messages and 1/10 reviews is a tad soul destroying.

Only two days ago I received an order for almost 2oz of my new strains, so as always I done my due diligence and the buyer is 2 years on LB with over 100 buys.

I clicked sent and started to pack the order with love to go to the post office straight after with the rest of today’s orders as it came in just before 2pm cut off.

So about 5pm that day I get a message from the buyer saying I really hope this isn’t old mouldy bush weed I’ve ordered or I won’t be happy.

I was blown away as surely if you were sceptical about a new vendor first of all why order so much first then message that, rather than reach out to me first or even order a 3.5 to sample the quality of cannabis.

Safely to say it arrived today and I got a message saying this is the worst weed I’ve had on LB in months and there giving up on the site. I am lost for words honestly…

However I’ve had some great help and advice from some top Biggaz “You know who you are” and now understand it’s just part and parcel of this beautiful platform.

If I am not packing, replying to messages or at the post office then I’m trying to source more amazing strains for my customers.

LB changed my life and I won’t let any of my customers down ever! It’s a buzz sending orders out and then getting lovely messages and reviews it truly makes it all worth while.

The love outweighs the negatives so it’s still a joy and such a positive experience for myself.

All the best over the holidays and in the new year. This community is amazing and a real eye opener.

Here’s to the future my friends, long live LB 🙏❤️

pollypuff20

You guys have 100% the right attitude for LB….hopefully your rogue buyer genuinely did fuck off - and good riddance to them 👍😉

GeneticsHub 9.4/10

Thank you Polly we move forward stronger together 🙏❤️

All the best for the new year 🥳

pollypuff20

Hehe ..with a GH Prize Hamper on the way how could my NY be anything but 😶‍🌫️🔥😶‍🌫️?…..have a great one guys! 🥳🥂

GeneticsHub 9.4/10

You sure do! Will be with you real soon my friend! All the best 🥳🍻

Morpeth1977

unfortunately people think that here sellers must necessarily profit/cheating/earn more than the right etc without realizing that they are simply people who sell their product (often with lots of love) and do not force anyone to buy anything

sometimes there are misunderstandings and this can inflame things especially when buyer and seller are at their first ‘exchange’
But comms have the power to sedate any problem.

I’m still surprised that profiles like BB and Reald are now restricted..
they should be considered heritage of humanity.

we hope that in time all the assholes go elsewhere and only remain who loves little Biggy and loves the sellers who work on here.

Peace ☮️❤️

Linleyw

25+ buys @ $959 average.

Flower, shake, hash and edibles.

I’ve only been let down by one vendor (Hootan)in 2 years. I could argue that one other tried it on, but he did put it right, so one fail in 2 years it is.

Better vendors experience overall then than Amazon, eBay, Tesco even.

As for the LB platform, lack of date and timing of threads, reviews etc is a little frustrating, but it’s churlish to expect any more of the site, considering the context.

Let’s not end up (can you imagine?!) in a “..don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone..” scenario.

Meanwhile, if you can’t be without, order in good time.

And remember- venting, ranting, dissing and shit-stirring just leaves a bad taste.. for you, for the vendor and for the reader.

Eddys Edibles 9.6/10

❤️✌🏻🍭

GreenRatBoy

I started using this site in October. I've been noticing a huge increase in complaints as well which is mad to me because I have had no problem what so ever. Vendors have been communicative, delivered stealth, and great products.

It is our duty as the customer to be aware of the strikes, that things won't go perfectly, and to responsibly stock up on product if dependent on it.

Mamadadah18

i can say love genetic hub! lightening fast delivery .they have easy earnt my respect . outstanding smoke amazing flower! and 20 hours to arive! blessed

GeneticsHub 9.4/10

I always got you my friend thanks for your honest and kind comment ❤️

Happy new year and all the best for 2023 🥳

1 post

+5 votes

on Keep It Green 9.8/10

CRIMBO COMPO

A cop stopped a man smoking cannabis while driving The officer asked "how high are you?" The man replied "no officer, its hi how are yo…

+17

on Keep It Green 9.8/10

CRIMBO COMPO

Morning folks, guy's and gal's

I'm knocking up my Christmas goodie 📦
The dam thing is gunna be packed out with goodness off my menu and i have a couple extra bits on their way. (Top of the pops grinder)

It will be a Merry Crimbo

So today(16/11/22) we start, all I require is you to post here with your best joke.

To enter you need at least 5 buys in your history on LB and ill run the competition till the 12th December.

Let's have a giggle and you may hit the jackpot!!

Garryfl

What’s the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath. One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

Keep It Green 9.8/10

LOL Garryfl

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Garryfl your going to be the winner.
My Mrs is choosing the winner and yours is going to win.

So I'm ending the competition here.

Winner Winner is Garryfl.

Message me your address and I'll get your prize sent out in the morning.

Congratulations

cloudeater77

I love a good spoonerism.

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Alrite mate. Have you received your prize yet??

Tripeazy96

Two old friends are discussing their sex lives. David, 29, has no issues with his wife and gets lucky at least 3 times a week. Jerry, 38, laughs as he recounts that he has sex with his wife almost every day. Almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday…

Djevo35

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
‘Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Lol

VegasSmokeCat

A schoolboy, an old man and Donald Trump are on a plane that is plummeting towards the ground. The captain and copilot have already bailed.

In the cabin they find only 2 parachutes available. Without hesitation, Trump grabs one and jumps out.

With only 1 parachute remaining, the old man turns to the schoolboy and says, "You take the last one, I'm old, whereas you have your whole life ahead of you yet."
The schoolboy replies "It's OK, we have a parachute each, that other guy jumped out with my schoolbag."

Gunitbiggy 10/10

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

bpwmemmott

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Good start

UKStoner666

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared." The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Dark but comical

OldManEd

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

It's nacho cheese!

Eddys Edibles 9.6/10

Great to see other vendors joining in the Christmas spirit and giving back. Nice 1 Keep it Green 👍

Here’s my joke for fun. Thanks Eddy

What’s a chavs favourite ice cream?

MINT🙃

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Cheers and good joke mate

lbonblast

……I know this is recycled from some place but it’s a gooden-

How does a stoner recite Shakespeare? “Doobie or not doobie

Sorry it’s as bad the second time around too😂😂😂💪🏼

SadHomie

Why did the zebra cross the road?

Because it was a zebra crossing 🤷‍♂️

crispyleaf

A bear walks into a pub, goes up to the bar and says...........................can I have a pint of lager? Barman replies yes, but why the big pause

Keep It Green 9.8/10

I like this 1

Diesel2rider

Bloke goes into a pet shop and says, can I buy a wasp?

Pet shop owner says, we don't sell wasps!

Bloke says, well you've got two in the window.

🐝🐝🤣😀

4nthraxc4t

A recent favourite.....

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: "what's your blood type?"

"I'm probably a type O", said the rabbit.

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Took me a minute

4nthraxc4t

It's a great bit of word play 🙂

cloudeater77

Two girls are working at the the supermarket.

“You know, I can always tell who the single men are”

“How can you do that?”

“Watch. I’ll show you with the next customer.”

A man approaches the register. He places a tomato, a pork chop, a potato, a tin of beans, a small onion and 4 ready meals on the belt.

“I hope you don't mind me asking, but you’re single, aren’t you?”

“Woah! How did you know? It's the ready meals, isn't it?”

“No, it's cos you're an ugly cunt!”

Keep It Green 9.8/10

10/10

Nblue

I just bought some shoes from a dealer, I don't know what they were laced with but I've been tripping all day!

Eddys Hashbar 9.7/10

Not sure if I’m too high but that tickled me 🤣

motocross

My mum died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

Recycled joke but cheers for the comp!

Cakes

Why is it best not to wear russian underpants in Chernobyl, because your shhh-knob-fallout

Sukhy96

Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore

TagDad

An English man, a French man and an Italian man were talking about sex.
French man says " when i make love to my wife and she orgasms she raises 4 inches off the bed"

Italian man says "when I make love to my wife and she orgasms she raises 6 inches off the bed"

English man says, "when me and my wife have finished having sex I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains and she hits the roof!" 😆

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Lol because it rings a bell in my memory

Lonescot

On his 18th bday a dad took his son who had no arms and legs for his 1st beer...

Sitting at the table he sips his beer and suddenly an arm pops out... fucking hell says dad... IKR replied the son... have another says dad...!! So he does and all of a sudden bosh another arm...

So after 4 drinks the son has all limbs and is feeling light headed... I wanna run home and show mum said the son... go for it son says dad... and as soon as the son ran out I to the street he was hit by a car...

Tragically the son died with his dad holding him in his arms saying......

he should have quit while he was a head... 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Good

Killtobehappy

How do you know you are a true stoner?

When your bong gets washed more than your dishes

Tonic

Best in a Scottish accent -

10 cows standing in a field, which one is closest to Iraq?

….. coo eight

sam508

Christmas is so stupid…

Whomever invented it should be nailed to a cross. 😂😂🤷‍♂️🎄🎄

Do love a simple but silly joke 😅 ✌️💚

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Nice :)

Seraphim235

My best joke atm is KIG got better & healthier produce than law permitted pharmacies that are causing people to have lung infections by selling mould in a tub to them passed as medicine

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Happy dayz

HughPhug

old boy sitting on a train, girl gets on and sits opposite him. guy leans forward and says 'excuse me, can I smell your cunt?'
Girl, shocked, says 'NO, NO YOU CAN'T YOU FILTHY SHIT'
guy says 'oh sorry, must be your feet then'

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Lol

tomatoalec

What’s the difference between Dirty Harry and anal sex?

One will make your day the other will make hole weak.

skunk76

I get paid the national minimum wages, 9.50£ for one hour of honest hard work, come on if that's not a joke, I don't know what is 😂😂😂😂😂😆😆😎😎😎

Chopper

What's the definition of a mixed feeling? Watching your Mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new car

Bruiser

A man smelling of alcohol and weed sat next to a priest on a bus.
The man’s clothes were ragged and dirty, there was pink lipstick on his collar, and an almost empty bottle of rum stuck out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

A few minutes later he turned to the priest and said, "Tell me Father, do you happen to know what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My son, it's caused by sinful behavior, spending time with prostitutes, abusing alcohol and drugs, an unclean body and mind, and disrespect for others."

“Damn,” replied the drunk before returning to his paper.

Thinking about what he said, the priest tapped the man on the shoulder and apologized for being too stern. Trying to be empathetic, he asked the man how long he has had arthritis.

The man answered, "I don't have it. I just read here that the Pope suffers from it."

Pandemian

Three blokes find an old lamp lying by the side of the road, and when they rub it a genie pops out and grants each of them three wishes. "Now tell me," he booms, "what is your first wish?"

The first bloke asks for a billion pounds. The second bloke asks for perfect mental peace and happiness. The third bloke says "I want my left arm to revolve clockwise, all the time, like I was bowling a cricket ball." The other two look at him bewildered, but he just smiles and taps his nose.

The genie says "What is your second wish?" The first bloke asks to be totally irresistible to women. The second bloke asks for perfect physical health until the age of 100. The third bloke says "I want my right arm to revolve anti-clockwise, all the time." The other two stare at him, but again he just smiles smugly.

Finally the genie grants them their third wish. The first guy asks for all his hair to grow back. The second asks for him and his wife to be able to have children at last. The third one says "I want to hop everywhere on one leg, bouncing as high as if I was on a pogo stick." The other two are completely baffled, but again he just taps his nose and smiles.

"OK" says the genie. "Your wishes will come true at midnight tonight" - and he disappears in a puff of smoke. The three men arrange to meet up in a year's time to see how they're all getting on, and then they go their separate ways.

A year later, they meet in the pub. The first man walks in wearing a five thousand pound suit, the keys to a Ferrari in his hand, with long flowing hair and a top model hanging off each arm. "I couldn't be happier," he says. "My life is paradise now."

The second man walks in with a beaming smile, the picture of health, totally relaxed, holding a picture of his baby twins. " I couldn't be happier," he says. "Every day is just wonderful."

Just then, the pub doors fly open and the third man comes bouncing in on one leg, his head banging off the ceiling, with both his arms swinging round and round in opposite directions.

"Guys," he says. "I think I fucked up."

Daf1462

I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank alot and his wife said "if you ever come home drunk again, I'm going to leave you". He went out to a pub and drank alot and was sick all over his shirt, and said to his friend "If I go home like this my wife will leave me". His friend said "I tell you what, put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, go home and show it to her and tell her somebody threw-up over you and he gave you the money for the dry-cleaning bill.".

He goes home and his wife's angry at the state of him and tells him she is leaving but he says "No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and he put a twenty-pound note in my jacket pocket for the dry-cleaning bill". His wife digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out some money, she said "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in there?", he said "Oh the other is from the man who shat in my pants". 😛😛

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Good contender

TheDazzler

True story as I witnessed it lol

Jumped out the pub to go to the cash machine with a mate and he nipped round the corner to go for a piss.

30 sec later 5.0 walk up. I’m standing smoking a fag.

Next thing the 5.0 talking to my mate. excuse me you know that’s offence.

Quick as fuck

Looks like a wall to me big man.

Night in the cells for him.

Supercat

What’s the difference between a Crane and a Giraffe?

One has hydraulics!!😳

Wifftat

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It drove down the lane and turned in to a field

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Very good

dashing 10/10

Johnny's mum is in the bathroom shaving her bush when Johnny runs in without knocking.

Mum tries to cover up

Johnny says "Mummy where's your sponge?....its gone!"

Mum says " oh... I er... lost it. Now go outside and play"

Off Johnny goes...

He returns in 5 mins and says" mum mum, I've found your sponge!!"

Mum asks" oh where did you find it?"

Johnny replies "the lady next door is washing dad's face with it?

Jayboy

Whats a Frenchman 's favourite Dessert??..a trifle Tower..😉👍

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Like it

Lonescot

Who won?

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Garryfl won the compo mate

Lonescot

Seen lol

gypsum_fantastic

What do you call a pirate that likes to piss on people?

Aargh Kelly.

djwiz

Q: how do you tempt a bear with cheese?

A: Camembert.... (!)

:D

Lonescot

What does a deaf gynaecologist do???

He reads lips 💋

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Keep It Green 9.8/10

I'm good at lip reading

Lonescot

🤣🤣

Lonescot

What's the height of embarrassment????

Walking into the wall with a hard-on and breaking your nose 🤣🤣🤣

Keep It Green 9.8/10

Lol
Welcome to my world

Lonescot

🤣🤣🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Gazz1313

3 women walking down the street eating ice creams... ones licking it slowly, ones biting chunks off, and the other is sucking it seductively... which one is married?

The 1 with a ring on her finger.