The minute I grew up and found out the cruelty of the real world was the minute the fun stopped.
I know that sounds heavy and I always answer these types of questions like this, I got diagnosed as Diabetic when I was 11, mum died , up until I was 17 my dad and me were bumping heads and I hated it (not linked to my mum I was adopted my birth mum died) I had times after where good stuff happened but I feel like I got dragged through maturity quickly because loads of stuff went to shit because of bad luck In life, my dad used to get pissed and just rent every night about needing to grow up and make money, came in the night before my 13th birthday bladdered and went “you’ve got copied video games for your birthday you’re a man now so do you need to do silly birthdays ?” And it went on from there.
Struggled hard as a kid, was very clever but could NOT wrap my head around things and did what I could, got to uni after winging it for years and failed miserably, went from hated job to hated job and here I am now at 31.
Got my own mortgage , beautiful amazing wife and a baby due in 3 months but I’ve had a wall in front of me for so many things for years that I’ve never been able to explain or get past, the depression for the last 12 years where no treatment, meds or CBT has helped has made me so cynical, jaded and overall angry and disappointed with myself.
I looked at a diagnosis for ADHD in my early 20s and got dismissed as a young man after Ritalin and after 11 YEARS on the NHS register with nothing and 4 on two private lists I was finally diagnosed 2 months ago and started medication ten days ago.
Decided to tell my dad about it last night he linked a daily Mail article saying it’s a myth so I spent two hours disproving everything that article said and he basically just said “You’re fine as you are you’re just anxious “ I’m not anxious.
So the meds are supposed to be working now but you can’t mix it with other stimulants like coffee and I drink about 4 pints of coffee or energy drinks a day to stay awake, same for weed apparently conflicts with the tablets which I smoke daily and alcohol (drink when I get the chance to feel chill).
So even though I’m on meds and titration to see what dose works for me I’m drinking on holiday, was assigned them maybe last Monday? Had to get my Bichon put down on Tuesday he had kidney failure and it came out of nowhere and because he was so silly and daft still it broke my heart to watch the life leave his eyes even if it was the right thing to do, so I’ve got grief, depression and drinking all on at the go when I’m meant to be seeing if these tablets stop me losing my temper at the smallest change.
Sorry for ranting, this wasn’t even the question I’ve just listed off everything wrong with life. Just needed to get it off my chest it’s been brutal lately.
My answer though, probably 17 to early 20s. First time getting my feet out into the world, I was a little geek until I was about 15 until I started coming out of my shell and really capitalised on that from 17 haha tried a lot of new things did a lot of new stuff but ultimately I wouldn’t relive any of it, just trying to do my best now for the sake of my soon to be daughter and don’t want to be freaking out because I can’t handle her crying so meds it is.
It’s funny, they were only really prescribed at this crucial point because if I hadn’t had meds at this point (been getting told for 6 months it’s a few weeks away) my fear of not being equipped to be a man let alone a dad would have probably been causing me to have a mental breakdown at this point.
I don’t want anyone to think I’m asking for pity, I’m not I’ve survived this long and will keep surviving but I think all your choices in life have clearly led us to where we are now, and even though I’d love to be back getting a blowjob and a stripe and feeling like I’d finally gotten free, the lessons I’ve learned from them have taught me some very important life lessons.
Cheers
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