This was a weird experience that made me feel a whole range of emotions and explore fears I wasn't aware I had, or perhaps conveniently ignored. Strap in folks, it gets a little weird.
I don't have a crazy amount of experience with psychedelics, so perhaps I was a little naive to think this trip would be easy to do while doing the whole live trip thing, that was my first mistake. After 30 minutes or so I thought I seen shadows starting to warp, so I reported that, but for the life of me couldn't replicate what I had just seen. I was staring at lights, shadows, objects hoping something would move. Nothing. Had I just imagined it, because I wanted so badly for the drug to kick in? Another 30 minutes go by and I'm more concerned now, still nothing.
It was another 15 minutes before I could be 100% certain I was starting to come up, the room was swaying and the normally while walls shifted hue; green, blue, yellow, it was very subtle and seemed to come and go. Now this is where the anxiety started, I became so aware of all the virtual eyes waiting for my updates, hoping for a good experience for me, and I had nothing great to say. At this point I'm trying to keep it together while replying to comments and the screen starts buzzing, as if I could feel the electricity coming out the screen and attacking my eyes. Words became hard to read and everything vibrated. This was when I read Frankos comments about the screen grounding me and it made a lot of sense, so I shut off the monitor and lay down on my bed.
I wish I turned the lights off at this point and laid down, but something stopped me, maybe it was my body being locked but I'm not sure, I think it was more of a mental block. Perhaps I was too scared to fully let go. I closed my eyes and really only saw darkness, there was a short moment where I could see the inside of my skull, but it was a dozen malformed jaws and teeth all fused together and it really freaked me out so I didn't wanna do that anymore.
For the next 30 minutes or so I'm switching between eyes open and closed, not really seeing much when closed and when open everything is fuzzy, moving, and trippy as hell. Tracers, floaters, everything sounding weird, all that. The buzz of electricity and whirling of fans from my computer seemed to pitch and whine at random, that was quite eerie.
We're maybe 2 hours in and this point and I still can't see and vivid or crazy visions, eyes open or closed, this is where it all started to feel like a bad acid trip. I look down at the floor and my dog is eating her food, but something is wrong. Her jaw is quivering and making weird cracking noises, food is falling from her mouth. I'm staring at her with a look of shock and concern, at this point I had forgotten that I was tripping and fully believed something catastrophic was happening. Her face is morphing and warping, her body drooping and sagging, my poor dog is falling apart in front of me, I have to help her. I start to gently hold her face in a attempt to piece her back together, I'm scared and have to get my brother, walking behind my dog making sure pieces of her aren't falling off. I beg him to please look at her she needs to help, he is trying hard not to laugh his balls off, of course. He entertains it briefly by sort of patting her down, assuring me she is fine, this is when I have a brief moment of clarity "you're tripping balls man" I thought. I look at my dog again, she is a pudgy mess. My brothers face is just a pixel-y blur, I retreat to my room in a fit of nervous laughter. This was definitely the most intense part of the trip. Poor dog must have been so confused as to why I kept patting her face and head.
The next two hours are a mix of hilarity, fear, and anxiety. Something landed on my bed, I have no idea what it was but as I touched it, it seemed to move. This made me jump back and try to investigate this little spec of weirdness. I still have no idea what it was but after 5 minutes (relative, could have been 30 seconds) I concluded it wasn't alive or a threat.
I went down the stairs during this time and attempted to take a bong, mistake number 3. My legs were a big bendy mess of malfunctioning muscles that had the not so easy task of walking down 12 stairs. My perspective was weird, as if my eyes were on top of my forehead and no in my eye sockets. I tried to spread a little green in the bong but my hands are so sweaty it just sticks to my fingers, I can't get it off and it starts to multiply, just replicating itself all over my fingers.. I wipe my hands on my shirt and retreat back to the safety of my room.
My mind is racing, is my dog okay? Am I going to fail scool? What is everyone on LB saying? God I hope they know I'm okay, I should update them. I can't, the screen gives me anxiety, oh god I turned it on there are 26 new messages, it's all too much I'm out, back to the bed. I'm just lying there trying not to let it all overcome me, not fully tripping at this point, slight tracers and stuff but nothing crazy.
I'm aware of how incredibly hungry I am so I try to eat a packet of crisps I had near by, this was my final mistake. I was crunching on the crisp and suddenly my teeth shattered, the next crunch I crashed down on my own teeth and destroyed them. I immediately spat out the contents on my mouth in to my hands.. just crisps. There was no pain and I'm feeling my teeth, all still there. Fuck that sucked. After laying there for a bit I eventually put on some Joe Rogan, still slightly tripping, this is where it becomes more pleasurable, I'm able to watch JRE, laughing and start feeling like I'm coming round. I mostly relax now and still have hard time walking around the house, slight tracers etc still.
This was where I started to reflect on my experience and concluded despite everything it ultimately wasn't a "bad trip". I was able to conclude that I am not fully in control of my life, I have lots of fears I could now plan to conquer. I have a lot of relationships in my life I need to improve. I do wish it was a more vivid visual experience with enlightenment and triumph but hey, maybe I just wasn't ready to go there quite yet.
This was a bit of a long one, thanks for reading through it. Thanks to everyone that took part, send me good vibes and kind words, this community is beautiful. <3
