Did you know that people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones..... but people in Abu Dhabi do
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joined jun 2022
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5 posts by EllisD138
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BEST JOKE
A clown showed up late for work on his first day and got sacked from the circus.
He's suing them for funfair dismissal.
BEST JOKE
I've just boxed up two x 3.5 baked in Paris
Whoever tells the best joke today will get a Henry and will be able to choose their favourite joke and award the other 8th their favourite.
Mite even have few runner up prizes.
Let's bring some laughs and positivity today guys
Whoever tells the best joke today will get a Henry and will be able to choose their favourite joke and award the other 8th their favourite.
Mite even have few runner up prizes.
Let's bring some laughs and positivity today guys
I was considering a geography pun, but on second thought there's Norway I'd go Oslo as that.
Farmer walks into the bedroom where his wife is in bed and he has got a sheep under his arm.
He says: “This is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache”
She says: “That’s a sheep”
He says: “I was talking to the sheep”
🐑🐖🐑🐖🐑🐖🐑🐖😁😉
He says: “This is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache”
She says: “That’s a sheep”
He says: “I was talking to the sheep”
🐑🐖🐑🐖🐑🐖🐑🐖😁😉
Cop asks the guy, “How high are you?” The guy responded with, “No, officer. It’s ‘Hi, how are you.
The other day a woman described me as a looker.... well 'voyeur' was the actual word she used... 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤣🤣🤣
Abit on the dark side but it’s a comp so..
Why did hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill
Why did hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill
Woman goes into a bar, orders a double entendre
So the barman gives her one.
My favourite word is 'many', it means a lot to me.
An Imam, a Vicar, and a rabbit go to give blood
doctor looks at the rabbit, and asks 'what blood type are you?'
Rabbit say 'I'm type O'
So the barman gives her one.
My favourite word is 'many', it means a lot to me.
An Imam, a Vicar, and a rabbit go to give blood
doctor looks at the rabbit, and asks 'what blood type are you?'
Rabbit say 'I'm type O'
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One was called Justin and the other was called Christian. Life was good, except that the prawns were constantly being chased and threatened by sharks. Finally one day, Justin said to Christian, "I'm tired of being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten."
Just then a mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted," and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian swam off, afraid of being eaten up by his old friend.
Time went by and Justin found himself bored and lonely as a shark. All his old pals were afraid of him and swam away whenever he came near. Then one day he was out swimming and saw the mysterious cod.
"I want to be a prawn again," said Justin. "Please change me back!" And lo and behold, the cod changed him back to a prawn. With tears of joy in his little eyes, Justin swam to Christian's house and knocked on the door. "It's me, Justin, your old friend! Come out and see me!" he shouted.
"No," said Christian. "I'll not be tricked. You're a shark and you will eat me!"
Justin cried back, "No, I'm not! That was the old me. I've changed. I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian!"
Just then a mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted," and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian swam off, afraid of being eaten up by his old friend.
Time went by and Justin found himself bored and lonely as a shark. All his old pals were afraid of him and swam away whenever he came near. Then one day he was out swimming and saw the mysterious cod.
"I want to be a prawn again," said Justin. "Please change me back!" And lo and behold, the cod changed him back to a prawn. With tears of joy in his little eyes, Justin swam to Christian's house and knocked on the door. "It's me, Justin, your old friend! Come out and see me!" he shouted.
"No," said Christian. "I'll not be tricked. You're a shark and you will eat me!"
Justin cried back, "No, I'm not! That was the old me. I've changed. I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian!"
So I took a poll recently... and 100% of people were quite annoyed that their tent had fallen down 🤣🤣🤣✌️🍁
Jimmy Saville, Stuart Hall and Fred Talbot walk into an irish bar.
barman says "oh no, not yew tree again!"
barman says "oh no, not yew tree again!"
Two elderly ladies sitting on a park bench. Guy comes over and flashes his dick. One of the ladies had a stroke, the other couldn't quite reach.
Hi all 👍 Check this joke out 🤣🧐......
A teacher attempts to teach 3rd graders about the human body, so she shows a drawing of the male reproductive organ and asks the class what it is.
One of her students, Bobbie, answers: “I know. My father has two.”
Teacher: “Really? How does he have two?”
Bobbie: “The skinny one comes out when he is in the toilet. The fat one comes out to brush my nanny’s teeth.”🤣🤣🤣
A teacher attempts to teach 3rd graders about the human body, so she shows a drawing of the male reproductive organ and asks the class what it is.
One of her students, Bobbie, answers: “I know. My father has two.”
Teacher: “Really? How does he have two?”
Bobbie: “The skinny one comes out when he is in the toilet. The fat one comes out to brush my nanny’s teeth.”🤣🤣🤣
I was visiting the US and wanted to get some solid one afternoon. I called the nearest marijuana dispensary and got this recorded message… “If you want to buy marijuana press the hash key now.”
Why are pirates called pirates?
Cos they arrrgggh.
Where do pirates shop at Xmas?
Arrrgggos
Cos they arrrgggh.
Where do pirates shop at Xmas?
Arrrgggos
A binman turns up at some blokes door.
"Where's your bin mate?"
The man says "I just bin to the toilet"
Binman says "No mate, where's your dustbin?"
The man replies "I told you, I dustbin to the toilet"
Binman says "cmon mate where's your wheelie bin??"
Man says "OK,OK, I wheelie bin having a wank" 🍆
"Where's your bin mate?"
The man says "I just bin to the toilet"
Binman says "No mate, where's your dustbin?"
The man replies "I told you, I dustbin to the toilet"
Binman says "cmon mate where's your wheelie bin??"
Man says "OK,OK, I wheelie bin having a wank" 🍆
Holy fuck. I'm sat smoking and dieing now. Holy Jesus balls!! Cough cough pass to myself cough cough
Feeling a bit on edge smoking in my garden today - my neighbour's turned his house into a Rehab Centre.
At least I think he has. There's a new sign on his front garden that says "Keep off the grass"
At least I think he has. There's a new sign on his front garden that says "Keep off the grass"
Giving it an hour then choosing a winner guy's.
It's close between 3 of you cheeky chappies.
Then the winner chooses their favourite joke ok.
It's close between 3 of you cheeky chappies.
Then the winner chooses their favourite joke ok.
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
A clown showed up late for work on his first day and got sacked from the circus.
He's suing them for funfair dismissal.
He's suing them for funfair dismissal.
When I have a hot date, I like to get them to help me to choose some wine for dinner beforehand. It's a great way to get them into my basement and I only have to cook for myself then.
I went to the zoo yesterday and I saw a baguette in a cage!?!?
Apparently it was bread in captivity 🥁
Apparently it was bread in captivity 🥁
- Doctor Doctor I can’t stop wrapping myself in Cling Film!
- Well I can clearly see your nuts!
- Well I can clearly see your nuts!
A duck walks into a pub. He goes up the bar and the barman says "Hello mate, what can I get you?" "Got any bread?" asks the duck. "Sorry we don't sell bread." came the reply. The duck thinks for a moment "Hhhmmmm... Got any bread?" The barman says again, this time slightly short "No, we don't sell bread." "Ok... In that case... Got any bread?"
The barman is now getting angry and shouts "Listen you fucking stupid duck, I've told you twice and now a third time WE DON'T SELL BREAD! If you ask me for fucking bread again, I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar!"
"Got any nails?" asks the duck.
"NOOO! I DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS!"
"Got any bread?"
The barman is now getting angry and shouts "Listen you fucking stupid duck, I've told you twice and now a third time WE DON'T SELL BREAD! If you ask me for fucking bread again, I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar!"
"Got any nails?" asks the duck.
"NOOO! I DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS!"
"Got any bread?"
What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?
I wouldn't let a lentil on my face, but I would let a chick pea
I wouldn't let a lentil on my face, but I would let a chick pea
Little Jimmy goes to see his priest and says “ Father, I don’t believe in Jesus any more. Every night I pray for a new bike and every morning? No bike!”.
The priest replies “ Ah, young James. That’s not how prayer in the Catholic Church works. What you need to do is go out and steal a bike then pray for forgiveness”.
The priest replies “ Ah, young James. That’s not how prayer in the Catholic Church works. What you need to do is go out and steal a bike then pray for forgiveness”.
Dunno if you can handle my jokes but ill try you with one and see how it goes .
Little jenny comes home from school and says
Dad dad can i go to the disco friday ?
Dad answers i suppose so but only if you suck my cock !!
Jenny replys oh ffs if i have to ..
1 min later she stops and says dad this really tastes like shit..
Dad replys yeah your brother asked half hour ago .
Little jenny comes home from school and says
Dad dad can i go to the disco friday ?
Dad answers i suppose so but only if you suck my cock !!
Jenny replys oh ffs if i have to ..
1 min later she stops and says dad this really tastes like shit..
Dad replys yeah your brother asked half hour ago .
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
I just bought some shoes from a dealer, I don't know what they were laced with but I've been tripping all day!
Too late for the comp, but sometimes reality is just....well....you couldn't make it up eh? 🤣
A former heavyweight boxer from Montenegro was charged by the U.S. Department of Justice on Monday with trafficking in 22 tons of cocaine worth over $1 billion, most of which was part of one of the largest cocaine seizures in American history.
Lawrence Hashish, the lawyer for Gogic, said: "These charges came as a surprise to him. He maintains his innocence, and had come to the U.S. for a boxing convention in Puerto Rico."
https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-charges-former-montenegro-boxer-over-22-ton-1-billion-cocaine-seizure-2022-10-31/
A former heavyweight boxer from Montenegro was charged by the U.S. Department of Justice on Monday with trafficking in 22 tons of cocaine worth over $1 billion, most of which was part of one of the largest cocaine seizures in American history.
Lawrence Hashish, the lawyer for Gogic, said: "These charges came as a surprise to him. He maintains his innocence, and had come to the U.S. for a boxing convention in Puerto Rico."
https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-charges-former-montenegro-boxer-over-22-ton-1-billion-cocaine-seizure-2022-10-31/
An American was on holiday in Ireland and was in the pub having a pint. He was chatting to the bar man and asked if there was anyone around that could give him a game of golf on the local course.
The bar man said "Yeah Paddy is very good at golf". The American sat down with Paddy and asked if he wanted to play a game the next day. Paddy said "Ok, I'll meet you at 9, but I might be half hour late"
The next day Paddy turns up at 9 with his left hand clubs, plays the American and beats him. The American said "How about another game tomorrow?". Paddy replies "Yeah sure. I'll be here for 9, but I might be half hour late"
The next day, Paddy turn up at 9 with his right handed clubs, plays the American and wins convincingly. The American says "Right, how about another game tomorrow! Last game". Paddy replies "Yeah sure. I'll be here for 9, but I might be half hour late".
The American says "Hold on, you turn up yesterday with left handed clubs, you turn up today with right handed clubs, what's going on?" Paddy replies "When I wake up in the morning, if the missus is laying on her left side, I bring the left handed clubs and if she's laying on her right side, I bring the right haded clubs."
"What about if she's laying on her back?" asked the American. "I'll be half hour late" says Paddy.
The bar man said "Yeah Paddy is very good at golf". The American sat down with Paddy and asked if he wanted to play a game the next day. Paddy said "Ok, I'll meet you at 9, but I might be half hour late"
The next day Paddy turns up at 9 with his left hand clubs, plays the American and beats him. The American said "How about another game tomorrow?". Paddy replies "Yeah sure. I'll be here for 9, but I might be half hour late"
The next day, Paddy turn up at 9 with his right handed clubs, plays the American and wins convincingly. The American says "Right, how about another game tomorrow! Last game". Paddy replies "Yeah sure. I'll be here for 9, but I might be half hour late".
The American says "Hold on, you turn up yesterday with left handed clubs, you turn up today with right handed clubs, what's going on?" Paddy replies "When I wake up in the morning, if the missus is laying on her left side, I bring the left handed clubs and if she's laying on her right side, I bring the right haded clubs."
"What about if she's laying on her back?" asked the American. "I'll be half hour late" says Paddy.
more of a philosophical joke
An old Jew dies and goes to Heaven.
He asks if God wants to hear a holocaust joke.
God agrees and the man tells the joke.
God says, "That wasn't funny. It was offensive."
The Jew pauses and replies "I guess you had to be there."
An old Jew dies and goes to Heaven.
He asks if God wants to hear a holocaust joke.
God agrees and the man tells the joke.
God says, "That wasn't funny. It was offensive."
The Jew pauses and replies "I guess you had to be there."
Doctor I have leaves growing out my arse....Doctor: I'm afraid that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Copper walks in on his wife in bed with three men, 'ello ello ello' he says, wife says 'not speaking to me then?'
1 post
+2 votes
Giveaway time! Comment on this post to enter
Yes please, really enjoyed the sunset sherbet. 🤞🤞🤞
Giveaway time! Comment on this post to enter
As a thank you to everyone for the warm welcome here and helping us get started we are doing a giveaway!
There will be 2 lucky winners who will each receive 2 of our 1000mg carts (one of each flavour).
To enter, all you need to do is leave a comment on this post! We will put usernames into a random name picker (https://www.gigacalculator.com/randomizers/random-name-picker.php) to pick 2 winners.
Thank you and good luck!
dr.distillate :)
There will be 2 lucky winners who will each receive 2 of our 1000mg carts (one of each flavour).
To enter, all you need to do is leave a comment on this post! We will put usernames into a random name picker (https://www.gigacalculator.com/randomizers/random-name-picker.php) to pick 2 winners.
Thank you and good luck!
dr.distillate :)
Draw will be live-streamed in about 10 minutes!
Stream link:
https://www.youtube.com/live/hWGGbXqbw2E?feature=share
Stream link:
https://www.youtube.com/live/hWGGbXqbw2E?feature=share
Winners are twifg420 and 2nani! I will send you both a message now to sort out delivery :)
Thank you dr distillate!!! I was the winner of your comp ….. within 2 days of sending my details the carts were through the door…. It’s my first time using these so have nothing to compare to, but from my first experience I know these 1000mg taste amazing when smoked.. the flavours are both great and the high is very clean, clear and long lasting!! I would highly recommend these to anyone thinking about giving them a go…. Thanks
We have its just below in response to clean up borg asking the same :)
Here it is again though: https://www.youtube.com/live/hWGGbXqbw2E?feature=share
Here it is again though: https://www.youtube.com/live/hWGGbXqbw2E?feature=share
this drawing needs to be broadcast in a live stream to be provably fair. if not it gets deleted love.
Live stream will go live at midday 30th April! Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/live/hWGGbXqbw2E?feature=share
1 post
+2 votes
Mix N Match 28G GIVEAWAY :)
Stig of the dump 🙃
Clive King
Mix N Match 28G GIVEAWAY :)
Back due to popular demand, we are doing a mix n match sale on our premium items :)
We will be giving away 8 X 3.5G of our premium stock.
All you have to do to enter is like and comment on this post with a book recommendation .
Every comment will be given a number and we will be using a random number generator to pick the winner during a live stream to be provable fair :)
Winner will be drawn 01/03/2023 @ 9PM
Only 1 comment per bigga .
Link for the sale below ;
MIX N MATCH SALE
We will be giving away 8 X 3.5G of our premium stock.
All you have to do to enter is like and comment on this post with a book recommendation .
Every comment will be given a number and we will be using a random number generator to pick the winner during a live stream to be provable fair :)
Winner will be drawn 01/03/2023 @ 9PM
Only 1 comment per bigga .
Link for the sale below ;
MIX N MATCH SALE
My African drum teacher gave me one of these when I was a teen an my god the amount of skins I went through 🤣
The worst part was he used to build up with little skins so can you imagine the amount of those fuckers he used 😂
True story.
My mate thought using a a bic pen shell was a good idea for a roch for tulip and wondered why he felt sick as fuck lol 🤦
My mate thought using a a bic pen shell was a good idea for a roch for tulip and wondered why he felt sick as fuck lol 🤦
Why would you even try that 😲 I stopped using plastic grinders after I was finding little bits of plastic in my spliffs. Hate that shit
We have our winners guys, we werent able to live stream this time, but we are adding a screenshot of the draw :)
Please message us with your shipping details
Please message us with your shipping details
Right guys entries are closed, 97 entries 02/03/2023
We have a delay o the draw, had some techical issues and we need to verify a new youtube account to live stream so we will be doing the draw on Monday 06/03/2023 @ 9PM.
We will be sending the link for the live draw on this post so keep your eyes peeled :)
We have a delay o the draw, had some techical issues and we need to verify a new youtube account to live stream so we will be doing the draw on Monday 06/03/2023 @ 9PM.
We will be sending the link for the live draw on this post so keep your eyes peeled :)
The Very Hungry Cthulhupillar
for the dazzzler
great idea TGT, already a few good looking reads i'd not heard of!
for the dazzzler
great idea TGT, already a few good looking reads i'd not heard of!
Book recommendation, that is a good idea!! An awesome book is The Dice Man by Luke Reinheart. It is about a guy who after a gaming evening, playing cards and dice with his friends then starts to give the options to the dice, and if the numbers come up he must complete that option. Great book, that caused me to carry dice for many years, in case I needed inspiration when making choices!
The Culture series by Ian M Banks. Start with Consider Phlebus, my personal favourite of the series is possibly Excession but they're all brilliant. Incredible world building and gripping storylines make for top drawer SciFi.
I've been reading The Similarillion, the book set at the dawn of the universes of J.R.R. Tolkein. A bit confusing to begin with but damn it's a brilliant book. It explains the structuring of the gods in their universe. Honestly give it a read if fantasy is your thing.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson. a great book with arguably the best book to movie adaptation ever. Johnny Depp performed so well as Raul Duke
The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera - sounds heavier than it is but it changed the way I think and validates a hedonistic way of life, sorta!
1 post
+1 votes
14G Modified Grapes Giveaway :)
Omelette du fromage?
14G Modified Grapes Giveaway :)
Right guys, lets start 2023 having some fun.
This competetion is really simple...
Type one word in a foreign language, and you will be allocated a number.
We will then use a random number generator with a time stamp to pick a winner.
Winner will be revealed on 31/01.
This competetion is really simple...
Type one word in a foreign language, and you will be allocated a number.
We will then use a random number generator with a time stamp to pick a winner.
Winner will be revealed on 31/01.
I had some of the grapes delivered this morning and I can tell you now it does not disappoint. Whoever wins is in for a treat. Good luck everyone.
Right guys sorry for the delay, we are no closing the competition with 214 entreis 02/02/2023.
We will be picking the winner 04/02 as we will be doing it via livestream to be provable fair.
We will be posting the link to the livestream on here
We will be picking the winner 04/02 as we will be doing it via livestream to be provable fair.
We will be posting the link to the livestream on here
We are still working on it, had a 24hr delay with resgistration we will be testing today and the draw will be done tomorrow 06/02/2023.
Sorry for the delay guys but we want to do it right this time so we can do it again :)
Sorry for the delay guys but we want to do it right this time so we can do it again :)
hope you're keeping security in mind, don't want to see a streaming site lead the feds to your door!
Security is always first mate. That's why it has taken us a while to get this sorted.
We will be drawing 5 numbers now to make up for the delay.
The 1st number will wi 14G
The other 4 numbers will win 3.5G each.
Live stream will be done 07/02 at 21;00 GMT.
Link for livestream below
https://streamyard.com/65jmb9aqew
We will be drawing 5 numbers now to make up for the delay.
The 1st number will wi 14G
The other 4 numbers will win 3.5G each.
Live stream will be done 07/02 at 21;00 GMT.
Link for livestream below
https://streamyard.com/65jmb9aqew
I didn't no. Missed it. Couldn't get out of work. Searching for winning numbers now lol
Live draw has been done guys, we have our winning numbers;
42 - 14G
105 - 3.5G
70- 3.5G
28 - 3.5G
66 - 3.5G
Thanks to all for participating, was a lot of fun and really good that we managed to live stream it so it was provably fair ;)
Keep your eyes peeled for our next comp.
Lots Of Love
TGT X
42 - 14G
105 - 3.5G
70- 3.5G
28 - 3.5G
66 - 3.5G
Thanks to all for participating, was a lot of fun and really good that we managed to live stream it so it was provably fair ;)
Keep your eyes peeled for our next comp.
Lots Of Love
TGT X
Is there any chance you can take some pictures of your weed that actually shows the quality. Instead of the fuzzy green blobs on the screen;)
So every word gets a number, we are on 102 atm.
Once we get to 31/10, we will stop giving out numbers and put the total into a random number generator which will give us a random number and a winner.
We will then post a print with the date and timestamp of the number that has been chosen.
We done this on our last comp, all went smoothly :) Hope we are doing it right.
Once we get to 31/10, we will stop giving out numbers and put the total into a random number generator which will give us a random number and a winner.
We will then post a print with the date and timestamp of the number that has been chosen.
We done this on our last comp, all went smoothly :) Hope we are doing it right.
dattebayo I don't know why buy they closet my old profile... I think u give me n186 sorry bored u
this is good, thank you for the effort love. but to be provably fair please stream the drawing.
1 post
+1 votes
on
{buy help}
Unable to compete payment
THIS. Fingers crossed 🤞 just got an order in with Pistach. Keep pressing pay over and over. Good luck biggas 😊🤞🙏
on
{buy help}
Unable to compete payment
Please can anyone shed any light on what's going on at the moment when trying to complete a payment at checkout. It constantly says to wait. I've read other people's posts who are having the same issue and tried what they suggest but no joy. Please help.
Thankyou
Thankyou
Hi i set up a new account. Then clicked pay about 10 times then it finally whent through. Have placed 2 orders this morning. Hope this helps.
I don't unfortunately. I think it was just a coincidence, but I had 2 items in my basket and i was constantly getting the same message, I removed 1 item and it went through. But I can't replicate that again, , and I'm now getting the same message over and over 🤷♂️
THIS. Fingers crossed 🤞 just got an order in with Pistach. Keep pressing pay over and over. Good luck biggas 😊🤞🙏
i did an order on society this morning and it was really quick (Tor quick that is, so not that quick)
Last night it took about three hours plus to place an order. I just kept coming out and in changing little things, bouncing between Society and Clearnet, hitting 'pay' over and over until eventually, eventually it went through but I was having coniptions the whole time. Hope this gets fixed but it's making for a tense time when this site feels like it's slowly winding down.
Ye same issue it was working fine on society so going to try their 🤞🙄 just going slightly deranged here without a smoke and planing my escape to the hollow earth but don't worry borgs great work taking littlebiggy down for days and it appears worse 🤣🤦
Doesn't help either when Royal Mail take a week to deliver NDD items and others just disappear for days only to reappear when least expected. Hard times we're living
bigg topics
