I am so sorry for all that you are dealing with but you should congratulate yourself because you are doing it! the good news is your going to live through this! the bad news is your going to live through this! no i am not being a smart ass. i lost my best friend,male,my best friend,female, my cat, and my mother who had 2 strokes in one week at 89 and went from taking care of me my son the 3/1 where we all lived the yard had the prettiest yard with blooming flowers, fruit trees and vegetables the cat and the dog and still had the first tomatoes every damn spring. and i never knew what a truly blessed life i lead until bam! gone! but first she lived through losing her independance to being completly helpless with my son and i her cargivers which is a whole other nightmare. but i wanted to respond to you to tell you i fell you .it has been almost 2 years since my mom and i still cry everyday. i was adopted and 3 weeks ago found and am reunited with my birthmom and my first thought was oh momma i wish you were here to share this with me you would have loved it so much. life is forever changed by loss such as we have had. accept, grieve, cry feel and let it be a reminder to strive every moment to make choices that we would look back on and know we spent our time and our love with the ones of our choosing in hindsight. for hindisght is 20/20. in my opinion, or expierence it doesn't get better you just get used to it